Guy sends funny letter to girlfriend ask for anal sex

As seen on a facebook profile of an arsenal suppoerter

Dear Girlfriend,
You know I love you so much right?, you know I will do anything just to see you happy right? Among all the pretty endowed ladies I choose you, cos you just the perfect bae I need, I could sacrifice whatever am doing for you love, remember I can stay with you and miss field match! If loving you was to be a subject, you know I will come out with good grades right? If not ever believing you was to be a class you know I will never attend any right? But Bae, why are you doing this to me? Why starve me of sex? Haven't I been truthful and faithful enough? You said you will give it to me as my birthday gift, but my birthday have come and gone so as yours, what have I done To deserve this utmost starvation and punishment from you? I waited long enough till you are matured now, but still you deprive me of sex, am ready to face any repercussion of having sex, do I look too young to be a father? Am getting old love please, please sweety